Dear sir or madam:
Is that too formal? I was always taught that when you were writing to someone important, but weren't sure to whom you were writing, you use "sir or madam." Since you're the most important person, we'll just go with that. Also, consider this your first writing lesson.
Let me tell you why we're not quite sure if you're a sir or a madam. One day in May of 2014, your dad (that sounds weird. Let's just keep calling him Y, short for Your Dad) came home incredibly excited.
"I was just talking to my OB friend. Let's not find out the sex," he said.
This was like, twelve minutes after we knew I was pregnant. I hadn't really thought about it.
"She says births where the parents don't know the sex are a lot more fun and everyone seems a lot happier," he continued. "And she said, 'really, how many surprises are there left in life these days?'"
That sounded slightly suspect -- I'm sure births where the parents know the sex aren't actually less fun -- but in my head, I pictured sad trombones in a hospital room filled with pink balloons. I didn't want a sad birth. Plus, the second part rang true. I don't think I've ever been surprised about anything, ever.
It was settled, 14.5 minutes after finding out I was pregnant. We weren't going to find out whether you were a boy or girl.
Later, someone asked me if we planned to find out. "Nope," I said. Y looked at me in horror.
"What? When did we decide that?" he asked.
"When you announced it dramatically after talking to your OB friend? Do you not remember?" I said.
"We never had that conversation," he protested. (He still claims that to this day)
Let this be a warning to you, Baby. Y remembers approximately 2 out of 10 things he and I talk about. He already seems to like you more than he likes me, so I predict he will remember 4 out of 10 things you two talk about. Still not stellar. So prepare yourself.
You're going to say "dada" for the first time and two days later, he's going to be all, "JESUS, IS OUR KID EVER GOING TO SAY ANYTHING?" He's going to tell you you can get a new iPhone 37c and then the next day, BAM. Conversation never happened.
It's okay. We still love him.
Mama loves you,
P.S. Is there a chance you are a koala? You're up all night and I've been strangely drawn to the scent of eucalyptus lately. Kick twice if you're a koala.