Minneapolis is the whitest place you'll ever live.
That's what everyone told us, at least. Some said it disdainfully, as if we would never know diversity again. Some said it jealously, like our neighbor in Shreveport. She was upset about the new black family on our street, and said -- are you ready for this? --
"I wish I could move to Minnesota. Things are getting a little...dark here."
(We're glad we don't live by her anymore. The racist neighbor, not the black one.)
Yes, it is home to an albino squirrel family. But Minneapolis also has the largest Somali population outside of Somalia and a huge number of Hmong (from the mountainous regions of China, Vietnam, Laos and Thailand).
Let's put it this way: At Y's hospital in Shreveport, if his patient spoke a different language, he had to call a special number. From there he had two options for translators: Spanish or Mandarin.
At his hospital here, there are over 20 in-person translators, plus a phone number that has 300 additional languages. So far Y has needed Hmong, Somali, and Russian translators... and he's accidentally called the Polynesian and Urdu translators. (Which sounds like an awkward phone call.)
Now that I've lectured you on making assumptions about the midwest, allow me to get to the real problem. Despite all of this unexpected diversity, there is no rap station. In fact, I don't think I've heard a rap song since I've been here. Even songs with rap collaborations are played on the radio sans rapper.
This is a problem for this girl, who went to high school football games only to hear the band play Juvenile's Back that Azz Up. Whose high school soundtrack could be performed by My$tikal. Who knows the dances to these hip-hop classics. Who thought it would be a good idea to spend her first weekend in college at Club 112 -- also known as One Tweezy, made famous by Jermaine Dupri in the song Welcome to Atlanta in these classic poetic lines:
it's off the heazy fo sheezy
You can find me up
in one tweezy
So, friends, I need to know: what's playing on your local rap station? What am I missing? Louisiana friends, if I were to go to Goldmine at 4 am, what songs would I hear?
Please help me.