Why I deserve a pedicure

If you ask me how I got any of my scars, you'll find my stories sound like excuses from a Lifetime Original Movie. Ran into an open drawer, fell up a flight of two steps, dropped a can of beans on myself. Yesterday as I looked through my closet, a pair of shoes fell off of my shoe rack, their pointy heels scraping my leg as they tumbled to the ground. Tonight I stepped on a metal bookend and sliced open my foot.

You guys, I'm a spaz.

But most of those things happen in the comfort of my own home. The injury pictured above happened in public, and is probably the most embarrassing of all of them. 

It was in the middle of yoga, in a quiet, dimmed room. I was jumping from downward dog to seated, and as my feet whizzed by my arms, I felt a sharp pain in my wrist.

The teacher must have seen me wince, because she stopped teaching and stepped over to my mat. "Are you okay?" she practically screamed. She was trying to be quiet, but it's hard to be quiet in a room where you can hear every time someone's hip joint pops. 

"I'm fine."

"What happened?"

"I... cut my wrist with my toenail." 

"Oh my gosh." I thought it was funny; the teacher looked worried for my life (or possibly disgusted at the mention of a toenail). "Do you need a band aid? We have plenty!"

"I'm fine." 

The next time I looked at my wrist, it was dripping blood. I guess I should have taken her up on that offer. As I reached for my towel to wipe it off, my foot cramped in such a way that I thought it might be deformed forever. I had to sit down to catch my breath. It was a rough few minutes.

After class, the teacher placed her hand on my back as I rolled up my mat. She was sympathetic and soothing, free of judgment. Just like a yoga teacher should be."Are you feeling better?" she asked.

As if I had been out for a week with the flu. As if she were visiting me at the hospital. Not as if I had briefly cut my wrist with my jagged toenail and then gotten an ill-timed foot cramp. 

I'm pretty sure Emily Post would agree that the appropriate greeting after a toenail injury is "Holy shit woman, get a pedicure immediately."