dandy faq

This week's writing prompt from Mama's Losing It challenged us to create our own FAQ.  Mine are legit - I have been asked all of these questions at least twice; some, I've lost track of the number. 

Wait... what's your name again?

My theory is that the amount of time I spend explaining my name accounts for why I'm late so often. My name is Esther, and my nickname is derived from Queen Esther (from the book of Esther)'s Hebrew name. Sometimes I just give up and go by Amy. 

So what you're telling me is, you've never had a Christmas tree?

Nope. I was asked this a lot as a kid. When you're 8, not having a Christmas tree is pretty much a fate worse than death.

Didn't you used to be heavy?

Yes, I actually have been asked this verbatim by a well-meaning great-uncle. He was just being honest. (PS: Oooh...would we call her chubby?)

Is your dog a boy dog or a girl dog?

I walk Ike past some pretty forgetful kids every day. He's a boy dog, children, but he'll forgive you if you call him beautiful.

You know it's cold up there, right?

This is a recent question. I'm asked this each time someone asks me where we'll be moving next year, and I say "probably somewhere up north." I watch Al Roker, people. I know what's going on. 

Can I have the TV to watch Battlestar Galactica?

This question is also pretty recent. Netflix Instant is turning my husband into a nerd. 

How are you liking that Prius?

When I started driving the Prius in 2004, I was a celebrity. People asked me to roll down my windows at stoplights so they could pick my brain about the car. Strangers crossed vast mall parking lots to ask me about my gas mileage. Since then, the attention has died down, but I still get questions every other month or so. Most recently, someone saw me park at the grocery store and then found me in the milk aisle with questions. 

Are those Toms? Where did you get them?

I have never gotten as much attention for any piece of clothing as I have for my Toms wedges. One time a librarian raised her voice in the library to get my attention and tell me how much she loved my shoes. But my favorite encounter was in Phoenix, where a fashion-forward Phoenix woman asked me if I had bought them at Nordstrom. "Are you joking, lady?" I wanted to say, "I don't think there's a Nordstrom in my entire state."