guest post: keely

When I first discovered the network of medical spouse bloggers, I wasn't interested in many of them. I found a lot of them very "poor me, my husband had to work last night" or, "Today is Tuesday and I am the luckiest woman in the world because I have a kind husband who is sacrificing everything to save patients. I will love him forever. SMOOCHES, HONEY! Check back tomorrow for more of the same."

Keely was one of the first blogs I dared to follow because she wasn't like that. And she has a cute puggle. And -- possibly most importantly -- she teaches me everything I need to know about Dancing With the Stars.

When D asked me to do a guest post I was so excited! I’ll be honest, it’s my first time. The awkward thing is that my first guest post anywhere requires me to address a question I still can’t answer.

You see, a little while back one of our medwife friends wrote a post about how people assume we married future doctors for their future money with undertones suggesting that we will always be the woman behind the man. The whole woman behind the man thing is something I added, but I think it sums up what so many assume the life of a doctor’s wife is (mind you, I only know what it’s like to be married to a medical student, not a doctor).

However, Mrs. Dr. D’s post struck a particular chord with all of us when she said this:
“It so happens that you are also fairly confident that you will make your own equally important, unique mark in the world. You just won't be doing it with an ", MD" behind your name."

So D was wondering how I plan on making my mark…

(For fear of being totally dull, I’ve included some photos of my pets.)

Oh my gosh. I have no idea. I don’t plan on spending the rest of my life only supporting my husband’s career, but in this stage of our lives he needs me to be there for him. I really do think of these years as his. Were in New York for him, and I work at a job I’m less than crazy about to stay here for him…but also for us.

In my quiet moments, which have occurred frequently throughout the last two years, I’ve been enjoying taking the time to do things to get to know myself better. You know, branch out a little.

I enjoy trying new recipes, spreading my wings a little in the realm of decorating, dabbling in slightly more fashionable things than I’m accustomed. These things may seem insignificant, but I think they are more important than they sound in developing yourself as a person.

But then I started blogging, and the more interesting people I came across, the more I wanted to expand my own horizons. I read blogs, I write my own, all in an effort to grow as a person.
I’ve also enrolled in an Anthropology course for the Fall. It’s something I’ve been very interested in for a while now, and I’d like to get my feet wet before J’s residency.
Why before residency, you ask? Well, because that is my time. J will have an income, and even though I fully intent to contribute, there is less pressure to bring in any certain amount. (At least I hope not, we will see where we end up.) I could go back to school, I could work a less steady job that makes me insanely happy…the options are endless.

I changed majors so much that I practically just Eenie-Menie-Mynie-Moed my way to a major in journalism and a minor in Biology. It is what it is. I have a job. Life is good. I’m a writer and editor for a medical news website, and I want to pinch myself each time I say it. There is nothing wrong with the job- there is something wrong with my butt in a chair for 8 hours every day. No good.

I enjoy learning, and I’d like a master’s degree, but I’m only going back to school if I’m in love. I’m talking crazy in love with a subject.

So much of my life remains up in the air, partially because my husband is a medical student, and partially because I can find it in myself to love so many things. My inability to choose the career path I truly want has nothing to do with disliking everything…and everything to do with liking most things.

Am I making a point here? Not really. The truth is that I’m incredibly immersed in my husband’s future profession, but I have not forgotten about figuring out what I want in life. If anything, I chase it with more hope and determination as I watch my best friend get one step closer to his dream each and every day. I imagine that the way I envy how he is doing what he loves will only become stronger when he gets his nose out of books and gets his hands dirty during third year.

Another plus, J would never let me become complacent with being the woman behind him. It’s possible that he wants me to find my passion in life more than I do.

…And hey! If I ever really lose direction, I could always start a puggle farm! (I’m totally kidding, I’m all about pet adoption.)

Guest post: Drew

It really is a small world. While blog shopping one day (as my friend Lauren calls it), I came across another medical wife's blog. As I usually do, I scrolled through the most recent pages to see if it interested me. It did - you could tell this girl liked to write -- so I kept scrolling and came across a buzzword: "Louisiana". I didn't think I would know this person until I found another buzzword: "Jewish".

My Jewish friends and I like to play a little game we call Jewish Geography. If someone tells me they live in say, Jackson, Mississippi, I can usually list 3 or 4 Jewish friends and they will know at least one of them. So I knew I would know (or at least know of) this girl.

Sure enough, after a little blog stalkage, I realized I did know this blogger, Drew. More specifically, her husband. In fact, her husband and I started a club together in college, and Y listened with great interest while Dr. J described his process of getting into med school.

Okay, anyway, enough about exciting coincidences. Here's Drew:

Doctor's wife: two loaded words that combine to create a title that most people really don't understand. Truth is, most people will never understand all that goes on behind those two words because it's something you have to live to understand. I can't tell you how many times I've been introduced to someone and they find out I'm married to a "doctor" (who's still in training -- but no one seems to hear that part).

Cue the many responses that just tick me off:
"Oh, how wonderful for you!"
"Well, that must be nice."
"Good for you!" (Really?!)

Yes, I am very proud of my husband. Proud that he knew what he wanted and achieved it. Proud that he put in the thousands of hours that becoming a doctor requires. However, I didn't marry him for the money that people assume we have (which FYI, we don't have and will not have for a very long time). I didn't marry him because I wanted to stay home and play homemaker all day while he brings home the bacon.

The reality of our situation is that residents make just enough money to pay their student loans and pay for food and basic essentials. There isn't much left over after all that. That is the face of our future for the next three years while my husband works for next to nothing when you calculate out all the hours. So no, I didn't marry a Doctor for the money or the "stable/secure" lifestyle. After all, what's stable or secure about Match, the notorious lottery that assigns you a residency by running a complicated algorithm? What's stable about applying for fellowships all over the country (depending on how competitive your spouse's specialty) and then picking up and moving for the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time since beginning medical school? Nothing. Medicine today is not stable and depending on where you do end up putting roots down, even doctors can struggle to keep up with the expenses of everyday life. Sounds like so much fun, right?! Yeah, right.

After all of the introductions are done, the next question out of people's mouths is always, "Oh, and what do YOU do?" "You" is always said with this tone that says, "I don't really care but I already see you as housewife/babymaker". People, I struggle with this question but my passions aren't as clear cut as my husband's. I never had the THIS is what I want to do with my life moment. Truth is, I enjoy a lot of things and I'm good at a lot of things. I love art, design, color, history, marketing, public policy, and so much more. The only things I can say that I hate and that I suck at would be: math, excel spreadsheets, foreign languages, and college finance courses. Really.

I started college as an art major and loved it. However, I felt I needed more, so I moved over to art history and business. Then, I was just business/poli sci. Finally, in my junior year I realized this major hopping wasn't getting me anywhere and I settled with a general degree just so I could get out of school and figure out what I wanted without the pressure of grades, counselors and well-meaning faculty who were convinced I was "meant to be x,y or z".

After college I worked retail, I worked as photographer, I worked as a nanny and I started blogging. I had no idea what I wanted. Today, I work as a social media and marketing intern for local business and I L.O.V.E. it. I wake up and want to go to work. I'm dying to get on my computer and create our next mailing campaign, line sheet, or dream up more marketing avenues. Even my husband has noticed the change and even said, "I can really see how much you enjoy this job and you deserve this." People, I almost fell over in shock! I've gone from having an evasive answer to the "What do you do" question, to having a confident response and feeling like I'm doing something worthwhile. I'm now certain that I am more than just the woman behind the busy doctor. I'm more than the housewife, homemaker or mother. For me, having an identity and a career path that is not my husband's is essential to my well being and our relationship. For whatever reason, I need and want more from myself at this time than just being a wife. I need to know that I made my own small contributions to this crazy, wonderful, messed up world.

guest post: corinne

I think I first found Corinne's blog because she posted the picture you'll see at the bottom of this post and could immediately commiserate. I was so grateful to find someone who could make light of the same weird "problems" I was facing. Also, if I was really nice to her, I figured we could become BFFs and she could take me with her to Italy one day?! Right?!

Hello D&Y (and who could forget - Ike!) fans! I'm Corinne from over yonder at As an intro as to who I am, I figured I would tell you 3 (random) things about myself:

1. I was born in Italy and lived there for a majority of the first 10 years of my life up until we moved to the good 'ol Midwest - Missouri. I spent the rest of my life growing up in a small town, went to college in the "big city" 30 miles down the road, and upon graduation moved to PA.

2. I'm engaged to a wonderful guy, Russ, and we live together along with our pup, Miley. I'm beginning to realize we need to get busy planning our wedding which is officially less than a year away! (calm down - we have the reception site and photographer booked)

3. I play the piano and the French Horn - Yes, the French Horn is a heavy instrument to lug around, Yes, it's a difficult instrument to play, but oh my does it sounds beautiful.

Insert Image #1
oh look, it's us :)

Oh, and I'm adding a #4 (because it's my guest post and I can): My fiance Russ happens to be preparing to embark on his 4th year of medical school.

SO! Let's chat, shall we? So as I'm sure you are all well aware, Y is embarking on this pretty amazing journey. Some of you may have heard of it? Medical school. Oh yes. Exciting stuff, right? Well, if you refer up to my #4, you'll see that Russ is doing the same thing. Awesomesauce! Life is just hunky dory, am I right? We're gonna be living the fabulous life in no time! (rrrrrright...)

When tossing around how to approach this post I was a little stuck. I don't want to complain about all the stereotypes of medical school significant others. They ARE there. They DO exist. I HAVE been in situations where i had to pick my jaw off the floor because of comments or questions I've received. Special moments those were, I tell ya! The first few times I was livid...there was probably smoke and fire coming out of my ears. Nowadays, I realize it's better just to let it roll off my shoulders, I don't need that extra stress and worry in my life!

For those individuals who don't know, medical school is like a big 'ol fun sucker. Loans, exams, rotations, applications, studying, specialties, lectures and a handful of vacation days become your life. Yes, there is a way to strike a balance between school and your home life, but for many it's ever-changing depending on what rotation they are on, or what exam is coming up. In my two years of living with Russ (I'm no expert) I've discovered that no two weeks are the same. There is constantly something to prepare for, something on the horizon that I know will keep him away from home for 12+ hours a day. (*I feel like I should make sure I say this has been my experience - Russ is very dedicated to his studies and works very hard and because of that, it pays off for him in the form of grades. NOT money*)

Aside from all that, it's important to know that while Russ goes through school, I'm creating a life for myself as well. I work full-time at a University and although it's not my dream position, salary or location, I know it will help me advance to where I want to be. You notice that I added Russ' profession as an additional number on my about me. It's because although we are a team in life, we are still individuals carving out our own "niche" in this world. Sure, my profession may not literally save a life but if I can help an international student figure out how to feel more comfortable here in the US, if I can help in suggesting ways for them to get involved within the school or community, or prepare and submit a proposal that will award my university funds for research, then I feel pretty good. I don't think it should necessarily be a "competition" about who is helping humanity the most, but HOW you are helping.

So, in closing...medical school. It's a journey that takes dedication and deserves admiration. Don't be fooled into thinking the life is luxurious. It's not. We live on a budget (1 income house - woot woot!) and when we can afford and have time for a vacation, by golly we're gonna do it and enjoy it. But please, for the love of cheese and pasta (yes, when you're reading this we'll be in Italy enjoying a feast) don't make us feel guilty about it. I don't make you feel guilty about your vacations, do I?

Also, it doesn't matter how many times I see a book opened to a picture that makes me stomach churn, medical school kits and books are NOT my friend.

*shudder* Sutre kits and I are not friends.

Thanks for having me over D,Y and Ike :)

guest post: mrs. dr. d

I found today's guest poster totally by chance. While commenting on a totally unrelated blog (this one), I saw that "Mrs. Dr. D" was the first commenter. (See people?! This is why it pays to scramble to post "FIRST COMMENT!!111"). Once I started reading her blog, I felt like I was reading a funnier version of my own life. Luckily, she didn't think my stalkitude was too creepy and the rest, as they say, is a lovely mutual exchange of blog comments and tweets.


Hi, I'm Mrs. Dr. D, and no, I'm not just some med school groupie.

I also think it might be best to clear the air and say yes, I do have a real name. It's Katie. And while I do think the "Mrs. Dr. D" moniker is pretty cute and bloggy, I understand that some people might misinterpret it to mean that I define myself by my husband's (future) profession.

Not so much.

I do think that being a wife is one of my most salient identities, but you best believe I am also the first person to challenge stereotypical gender roles in a relationship just for the sake of tradition---the "barefoot and in the kitchen" ideal, if you will. I think that if your feet are sore and you love to cook, go for it, just don't let anyone put you into that role without your consent.

For those of you who have been through medical school either as a student or as the partner of one, you know that med students need a grip-ton (West coast speak for "a lot") of support to get through it, and I have been supporting my fanny off for Dr. D because I love the heck out of this guy. I proudly define myself as a wife because I love being his wife.

But the minute you insinuate that that's all I'm good for... dude, I will throw down.

My husband would never ever imply such a thing because he has known me since 5th grade and he understands all of the passions and (sure, I'll brag) talents I possess. When we're out together and someone makes some comment that magically reduces my entire complex being into a one-dimensional label ("Dr. D's wife"), my dear husband---my best friend---can see the fire in my eyes. And yes, I get perturbed, but it also further inspires me to leave my mark on this world.

I don't save lives in the way that Dr. D someday will, but I'd like to think I impact them daily. I work with college students; I supervise them, I discipline and challenge them, I counsel them, and I lead and mentor them. I live among them, and I role model for them. I role model professionalism, personal independence, dependence on friends and loved ones, and an overall joy of living. The best part of my job is hearing students say that I've helped them figure out a little piece of their own life puzzle or that I've inspired them in some way, and thankfully those times have been more numerous than I ever could have hoped for.

I'm not in my end-game career, and I know I won't be doing what I currently do forever. I'm only 25, and I have many other passions yet to be pursued, among them writing, photography, and being a mother. All I know is that there is more to me than my husband's (future) MD and my new married last name, and I'm supported and loved by the man who shares this name with me. Together, we are pretty much unstoppable.

Haters gonna hate. Us lovers, we're gonna love and live boldly.